Make It Mine

Hello, I am back to my cheery and glass-half-full self now but I hope you enjoyed my more personal blog last week. It wasn’t the easiest blog to write but after learning that so many others have experienced anxiety and panic attacks it made me feel a lot better about things. As I have finished the glorious times of exams and revision I have two whole weeks to have fun with my friends. So I have planned something for every day and I have so much to look forward to.

  Plus I have decided to do something very out of character and join a gym, which if you know me sounds completely crazy. This is due to the fact I will find as many excuses as possible not to work out and not to exercise. But a local gym had a free weekend so me and my friend went to check it out. It was amazing. I have never thought gyms could be enjoyable, but I tried out loads of equipment, including a thing that vibrated when you stood on it… yeah I didn’t use that for long. Overall my trip was very enjoyable and I really want to join over the summer as I just think it would be fun. I mean it would be nice to just tone up a bit and be able to run a few meters without falling to the floor, gasping for air.

  Now, on to the chosen quote, this week is from a Jason Mraz song called ‘Make It Mine’ and it is such a happy and upbeat song I felt it deserved a post. After the horrible time I had during my exams, I just want to have fun and laugh with my friends. They as I have mentioned are the best things in my life, as well as family, and I just need to spend as much time with them as I can before we have to go back to school. So my next two weeks consist of laughs, fun and birthday cake, as it is my birthday soon!!

  I want to get out of this horrible habit I seem have to adopted recently of worrying about every little thing. So by going out and being around the ones I love I feel like I can achieve this and I will make it all mine. Also I have been listening to a lot of hairspray recently as I love the musical and have played Tracy once; I had to wear a fat suit and everything! Looking back I did look ridiculous but performing is the best thing for my confidence, to show others that I am talented and play a pretty good Tracy Turnblad, haha! But hearing all the songs again made me a little emotional because they carry a lot of memories for me. Especially ‘Welcome To The 60’s’ as its mine and my mums song that we dance to in the kitchen.

 

 

  Thinking back to performing has made me more driven to get my school to put on a showcase, I need to perform and get my confidence back. I’m sure you have one of those things that gives you butterflies in your stomach, just by thinking about it. Performing is mine. As I step onto the stage the lights are shining a down on me, so bright that I can only see the front row of the audience and feeling waves of adrenalin whenever the audience laugh.  Describing the feeling you get after performing, knowing you’ve done well, is so hard to explain but all I can say is nothing compares to it.

  Please comment below telling me all about what you want to make your own and what the one thing that makes you feel infinite is! I’ll be interested to hear, thank you for reading my about my crazy aspirations and let me know all about yours. If like me you haven’t had the opportunity to do the things you love then make it happen and make it yours. Love Phoebe Eve <3

Everyone Needs A Floor They Can Fall Through

Hello, Welcome back happy campers, or if you have never stumbled across my blog then welcome. Usually I am a very chipper and cheerful person but I wanted to be a bit deeper and show you a different side to me I guess. The quote is from a song written by Pink called The Great Escape. “Everyone Needs A Floor They Can Fall Through” Which is true, sometimes even if you’re the happiest person ever you need times where you can be vulnerable and emotional.

   Recently, I have been more emotional than usual mainly due to the pressures I put on myself to achieve as high as possible. This is mainly due to school and the way everyone seems to think that you have to go to university and achieve the highest possible grade, or someone else will take your place. To be honest I am one of these people, I easily worry about things like getting into university or drama school. I know that the competition is fierce and grades are important, which is why I pressure myself so much. The problem is all the pressure causes stress and anxiety, something I haven’t experienced until very recently. Although sometimes all the pressure does become a bit too hard to handle and cause me to panic.

   I begin to think of all the work I have ahead and it becomes a massive pile that grows bigger and bigger. But even though this is scary and a horrible thing to experience, everyone has floors they need to fall through and times they lose control. I have learnt from talking to friends, family and reading other blog posts that it’s ok. Everyone has something that can cause them to panic, lose control and become vulnerable.  The past few weeks for me have been challenging but with the support I have had from my friends and family, I know that I can overcome this.

  Apologies for being away for so long, but as well as stress I have been really ill too, which sucks but I am back for good.  I know all my exams are tough and need a lot of revision but I know that all I can do is my best.  My friends have been the most supportive people recently and I couldn’t ask for any better, plus my family have done everything possible to stop me panicking. I hope they understand just how much they have helped me, even if I have taken the pressure out on them at times.

 

Having a floor to fall through is letting yourself be completely vulnerable around someone and them allowing you to release all your emotions. To me that’s how I look at things and having someone there who cares and loves you is the most important thing. Of course suffering with anxiety or panic attacks will make your loved ones worry but at the end of the day they just care for you. I originally worried about others worrying about me and not wanting to cause any concern. But if someone cares they will worry it’s just how things go.

  Overall, the past month has been really tough but I know that my closest friends and family have helped me through. Plus Zoella posted a video and a blog post I have read and watched and I realised there are much more people who have suffered with the same problem. Knowing you’re not alone in that situation helps because feeling like the minority and not ‘normal’ (a term I use loosely) is a really horrible feeling. If you know someone with the problem or have experienced it yourself then do not allow it to get in the way of you doing anything. I know after one of my episodes I didn’t want to go back into the same place where it had happened. But by overcoming that fear it gave me a sense of relief and was a good step to take.  Next post I will be back to my chipper and cheerful self, its ok not to be happy every minute of every day.

Just make the most of what you have, Love Phoebe Eve <3